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Finding yourself is a hard thing to do. I know this for a fact. Especially since my automatic reflex to unpleasant events is 'denial and distract', so maybe just for me it was hard. Not just 'difficult test' hard, but 'difficult math test and you may have to fight a cougar to pass' hard. But, looking back on all the many bad things and the few good things from the past two years I think I've finally found my spot. My place. My Zen. Whatever you want to call it, I think I'm finally there. I've changed slightly drastically, I know that but underneath it all I can still see that I'm the same person only more mature maybe? Even though that doesn't seem like exactly the right word for it. Toned down might be more apt.

I could spend time on all the unhappy events that some of you may or may not know about but, I'm not going to. It hit me this past Friday at work when T called me 'smiley' that my smile wasn't forced anymore. After that, during some self-reflection, I found that I was genuinely happy with my spot in the universe. It came to me as a complete shock. My life had healed itself without me and I had no clue how that had happened. So then I sat down and found the clues.

My optimism is like a persistent cockroach - no matter how hard things tried to kill it they just couldn't succeed.

I am a extrovert but had a nice little stint as a introvert and wholeheartedly decided that it wasn't for me, since my family thought there was something seriously wrong with me during that period of my life.

My best friend who put up with me, was there for me, who supported me and didn't judge me during the lowest period of my life. I love her.

My friends who noticed that something was wrong but decided not to pry into my personal problems and were just there for me physically. I love them.

My spirituality. Despite suffering some seriously fatal blows, massive overhauls, and extreme changes - trusted me to know what I was doing. I went my own way and through that rocky mountain climb reached the top.

My creativity that kept working through it all and even though most of the stuff written during my down-time won't ever see the light of day again - it was good to know that the creative part of my brain is as stubborn as my optimism-cockroach.

The clues were right there the whole time and it took me this long to notice them. I am in no way fully okay yet, but I'm close enough to smell it. Finding myself and being happy with my little spot on the earth has definitely improved me. This might be a slightly geeky way to describe it, but I'm levelling up and it's an amazing feeling.

I don't expect anyone to actually read this, it's mostly a little introspection that I felt needed to be documented somewhere so that in the future I can go back and look at where I was.

This entry was originally posted at http://nukichan.dreamwidth.org/810.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

I got the key though there is no keyhole.

A gorgeous day outside means that I went exploring with my camera. Sometimes the best days are the ones you spend looking thought a camera lens. Everything looks different that way and you notice things that you normally wouldn't. Here's a little tease of what I took today.

Through my lens.Collapse )

This entry was originally posted at http://nukichan.dreamwidth.org/549.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I am having so much fun playing in the sunshine. I still stand by the fact that I am most definitely a winter/autumn girl, but I will admit to loving the sunshine and warmth before it gets obnoxiously hot outside. There are flowers everywhere and my coworkers think I'm crazy when I go outside on my breaks to take pictures of the ones surrounding the building, but I can't help myself. My hobbies are eating my free time and I can't complain about it because the results are awesome. ♥

Also on a work related note - a coworker who I shall call B called me 'sweetly vicious' the other day when referring to the way I deal with unpleasant customers. It's oddly true though and it got me thinking. It's my defence mechanism. If you start yelling at me about something out of my control, I get really sweet mannered and polite. The angrier the person gets, the more pleasant I get. Is that weird I wonder. I'm fairly certain that I do it because it pisses the idiot customers off more, but it's automatic though. Meh.

Well. Time to eat something and get ready for work. I promise pictures of my apartment will be up eventually and that I AM trying to post more often. Blaugh! xD

Incoherent joy! x3

I am SO FUCKING happy. =D

I have a new computer.

He is very shiny.

I've named him Spock in the hopes that he doesn't screw me over without reason.

He is also, probably, the most well equipped computer I've ever owned.

Holy shit Windows 7. O_O

I've named the main hard drive Optimus Prime to double the chances of not being screwed over.

This may be tempting fate.

Affffthdjs! =D

PS - My mom is getting a re-formated Lyra for Mother's Day! xD

Not impressed.


Do you know what's not fun?


For three and a half hours and not being finished yet.

When you really want to sleep.

Seriously immune system, you were doing so fucking well.

It was walking through the wet and the snow yesterday wasn't it?

I hate you anyway.


Time for a sick day that I hope work forgives me for.

Pull me in the undertow.

I wonder if 'work and real life ate me' is a plausible excuse for why I haven't posted in so long. Holy crap. I swear it was January a second ago. =__=

Oh well. I'm still alive, in case anyone was wondering, and I have a love/vicious hate relationship with my current job, mostly due to the people I work with. Although I do love it there... most days.

I am also re-developing and expanding my 'loose leaf' tea addiction. I'm blaming that on the new DAVIDsTEA that opened in the Champlain Mall a while ago. At least it's helping me keep up with my 'drink a cup of tea everyday' New Years resolution (not that that one was difficult to keep in the first place though). xD

Time for some pic spam! Maybe? Kitties and things under the cut! ♥Collapse )

Hopefully it won't take me another three (almost four) months to update again. I promise to post pictures of my apartment eventually so that's something? ♥



I hope everyone had a drunken but safe new year, like I did, and had a blast!

List of resolutions:

01) Lose 50 pounds. This is number one because I've been losing weight recently, so I thought setting a goal for myself would get my back up to lose more weight. Hello excersise bike and pushups.

02) Read 100 new books. This one is going to be so easy. =D

03) Create something worthwhile.

04) Finish Take A Step Too Far and then edit the fuck out of it, and then give it to Isabel so she can edit the fuck out of it too. After that start Paranormal Peace Keepers in November.

05) Take some type of dance lessons with Isabel. Hip-hop or strip-a-robics?

06) Drink some form of tea at least once a day and meditate at least once a week. Try some more Loving-Kindness despite wanting to stab some of the stupid customers at work. (note to self - stabbing people is illegal if you get caught).


07) Adopt those two kitties from the SPCA that you've been pining over for the past month (unless they get adopted first, if they do, find another one that you want to adopt).

Goodbye 2009 and I hope everyone has a spectacular 2010!

Auld Lang Syne ♥

Since I will most likely be completely drunk off my ass for the entire night after work tomorrow, I thought I would take this moment to wish all of you a...


Here's hoping that 2010 is super fabulous for everyone! 2009 and me got along well, but I know that some of you had it pretty rough this year. So this is me wishing that the new year is full of really good things for everyone.

I'll post my hungover complete list of new years resolutions on January 1st! =D

*love and hugs*

Hark hear the bells - sweet silver bells!


Awesome quality time with the family always gives me the warm fuzzies.

Now it's time for a cup of spiced rum and eggnog and then bed! =D

I'm wishing all of you the best, and hoping you all had a wonderful holiday like I did!

Good things.

Sixteen days until Christmas. ♥

Re-reading 'Hogfather' gives me the warm fuzzies. (Although Teatime really creeps me out sometimes.)

I love my job, and wearing my Santa hat while I'm at work.

'Fringe' is like a cross between 'Criminal Minds' and 'The X Files' and it's fucking fantastic and keeping me up until three in the morning because it's really hard to NOT watch.

Christmas cards will be sent out sometime tomorrow.

They started playing more Christmas music at work.

The ground outside is covered in snow and we might be getting more tomorrow! ♥

My new apartment is brilliantly awesome and even though I'm still unpacking I've settled in very nicely. (I'll post pictures someday... maybe.)

I've pretty much re-arranged my way of thinking with loving-kindness, so negative things are few and far between.

Life is pretty much awesome and for the first time in a very long time, I don't feel like the bottom is about to drop out from beneath me. ♥

I love and miss you guys and I pretty much think of all of you when I think about PEI or smores or Supernatural or a lot of other things. It's making me nostalgic. *hugs and loves and messy smores*
General Idea: Post first line from 10 of your favorite novels. Make people guess what they are.

01) Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree. But people have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of things.

02) One way to look at what happened is that everything is the fault of my optometrist and his enthusiasm for those miserable eye-drops that make your eyes super sensitive to light. But if I've learned one thing from all this, it's that there's generally more than one way to look at anything.

03) [name] had done three years in prison. He was big enough and looked don't-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. American Gods by Neil Gaiman (yubsie)

04) Now consider the tortoise and the eagle. Small Gods by Terry Pratchett (ameryanne)

05) In the land of [place], where such things as seven-league boots and cloaks of invisibility really exist, it is quite a misfortune to be born the eldest of three.

06) Summer in France was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a fifteen-year-old girl, a social and cultural experience she'd never forget. At least that's what everyone told [name].

07) In my time I have been called many things: sister, lover, priestess, wise-woman, queen. Now in truth I have come to be wise-woman, and a time may come when these things may need to be known. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley (yubsie)

08) "And I say you will!" bellowed the burly sheepfarmer, [name]. He lunged across the table but his daughter [name] sidestepped his powerful arm and darted down the passage to the sleeping rooms.

09) As the bus entered the prefectural capital of [place], garden suburbs transformed into city streets of multicolored neon, headlights of oncoming cars and checkered lights of office buildings.

10) Twenty-three stories up and all I could see out the windows was grey smog. They could call it the City of Angels if they wanted to, but if there were angels out there, they had to be flying blind.

I tried to keep a variety of my favorite books because I've got a hell of a lot more than just ten. I might have vetoed some in favor of others since neekabe used them in hers! =P

ALSO - Trans Siberian Orchestra has a new album out called Night Castle. It's fucking amazing and wonderful and it's not a 'Christmas' album so it can be listened all year round like Beethoven's Last Night. It's brilliant and I love it so much. So if you get a chance go listen to it, I guaranty you'll be impressed.


It feels like it's been forever since I made a Live Journal post, so instead of the regular blather I'm going to tell you all three VERY GOOD things that have happened in my life. =D

1) I got approved to live in the apartment of my dreams and no longer have to live with my friend Isabel and the hot-roommate-who-shall-remain-nameless (three people sharing a two-bedroom apartment was a little cramped).

2) I got promoted at work (WHICH IS FUCKING AWESOME) and I get a pay increase starting on Monday. ♥


3) The hot-roommate-who-shall-remain-nameless is currently making me supper. Wearing only his boxers. Life cannot get any better than this. x3

Best string of events ever. =D

PS - I've also decided to be crazy and participate in NaNoWriMo this year. INSANITY! ♥

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